The topic of true love has been debated for centuries and probably will continue for many more. This post is not intended to further that debate, but rather to make true love attainable.

Often when people are initially attracted physically, they might confuse that with true love. The experience, commonly known as falling in love, is amazing because it is the best all-natural drug cocktail on the planet. With the right combination of stimuli, the heart signals the brain to flood the system with oxytocin and vasopressin. It is a drug response, natural-body drugs, but drugs nonetheless. There is an experience of being high and of well-being—this is a physical response. So then, falling in love, is the beginning in most cases of a long-term relationship, it is not true love.

Love Simply Is

Perhaps it would be more understandable if we looked at love in two ways. One is the general notion of love and the other is true love. Dr. Gerald Jampolsky, author of “Love Is Letting Go of Fear” and “Teach Only Love,” makes a case for the following observation—Love is. It simply is. It does not need you and it does not need me to exist, and that is the miracle of it—it just is. True love, on the other hand, needs you and me. Think about it much like air. The air is—it surrounds us, it is here—but if we do not breathe it, we will not experience it. By the same token, you must be an expression of love in order to experience true love.

Long term couple Melody and Susan experience true love.
Melodye and Susan, both successful in business and now retired, have been married for 25 years. Their love story runs deep with blood, sweat, tears, and years—all leading to the expression of and the experience of true love.

There are couples that have spent years going through the blood, sweat, and tears of life and relationship challenges, growing in the mastery of true love. They were willing to share their outlook with me and I have taken the liberty of integrating what they had to say here. We can learn a great deal from their journeys. Many told me that it took years for them to get to the kind of love we are talking about. 

They said there were periods in their relationship that love, as an experience at all, was beyond their reach. While at other times, it was easy and seemed natural. True love, as I am describing it here, they had not considered before. And after understanding it, they realized that is the way they have grown to love now. They just didn’t have a distinction for it. They said the best part is that it is not easy nor difficult, it is simply a lifestyle.” I asked them, “What would be your wish on this topic, if you could have one?” Their response: “We wish it hadn’t taken so long for us to become aware. True love would have been available sooner and we would have had more enjoyable years.

I am convinced that we all want true love if we want love at all. While not mistaking falling in love for true love, let us also not discount the blood, sweat, and tears that were characterized by our couples as they developed it for themselves. Knowing what it is, and that a relationship can be easier and more natural, makes accessing it quickly very enticing. 

What Is It, Exactly?

So then, what is it exactly? True love is the experience that your beloved is perfect—exactly the way he/she is—allowing them to be the way they are as a conscious decision. This is not the same acceptance as when we had the physical and biological influence—it does not leave one feeling high, but rather united, secure, and peaceful. Allowing one another to be as you are, that is how you experience true love. It is this moment-by-moment choice that develops into a relationship habit.           

An Added Benefit                   

This is the added benefit, a miracle even—people who can create this experience, allowing their partners to simply be as they are, also discover themselves. They develop a capacity of experiencing oneself; one’s true self beyond the ego. The relationship becomes a solid ground where we can be reconstituted in a fresh new way.

How to Nurture It

Now that we know what it is and we know it is accessible, how do we nurture  it?                                                         

Do this daily exercise (below). Allow yourself to explore all the possible ideas, and your relationship will reap the rewards. It is a remarkable and simple add-on to your day. It is especially effective if you have time set aside in your mornings, it does set a tone. This way, the attitudes and actions toward your beloved will not be left to chance. Once you get yourself centered and at peace, consider what you will do or how you might act, to have your beloved feel incredible today. How will you encourage them to be grateful that you are in their life? 

Give it a try, and please share your results in the comments below.

22 COMMENTS

  1. I count my blessings daily. Mike and I practice kindness everyday. We are yin yang, our skill set are opposite, so we compliment each other; a perfect fit❣️ We also practice being fully present. We chose to live in Love/Heaven and not fear/ego/hell.

  2. Thomas has an insight into relationships and how they work like no other. His teachings are cultivated after decades of working with hundreds of relationship students all over the world.

  3. Wow!!! What a great way to start the day! A simple step and it does set up the tone for the day! What awesome advice! Just letting my honey be who he is, brings out the freedom of being myself! Thank you for your article we love it!!

  4. So much to sit with, and unpack, in such a quick read. A beautifully written insight into true love BEYOND a ‘fairy tale’ understanding. Loved this teaching.

  5. What a delightful read! So wonderful to be reminded of some things and to learn something new! I look forward to practicing these new ideas. Thank you. 😉

  6. Great! I really like looking at myself, not just my partner, in terms of taking responsibility for what is going on in our relationship. Thank you for that. Very refreshing and kind of a new twist. I appreciate how you bring in a variety of views and look at them. I look forward to more.

  7. I have been studying and working with Thomas for years., since 2005…..he has this incredible gift of being able to discern the situation and context , the way we hold it , and then he’s able to bring immense clarity to it . When we get clear…..of what we are immersed in , something else becomes possible…and for me, the something else has been has been more joy, more peacefulness , clarity.and gratitude
    ..and the experience of causing more desirable outcomes in my life, ….thank you Thomas !!!!!

  8. This article delivers a great message during a time where we have more time with the people we love due to current circumstances. This article with such clarity delivered insight and steps to create an opening for a new morning ritual. Really good information. Really loving these articles.

  9. Thomas is an amazing master relationship coach. Each time I have the good fortune to work with him I grow. And so it is with his insightful article. It reaffirms my understanding and experience of true love. This I know: true love is not a passive noun at all but instead a process that we are invited to engage with, 24/7. It’s an open heart practice and certainly not for the squeamish. Best thing about it:the more I give from an open heart, with my focus on “the other “the more this practice nourishes and fulfills me as well and I also feel loved .
    Thank you for this wonderful, wisdom filled article, Thomas!

  10. True love occurs to me as embedded in the foundation of a relationship which is an outcome or achievement from growing in love over time. We are coming up on 25 years together in January. Thomas, you provide many great distinctions and pathways to continue nurturing true love. Speaking from a space of decades together a key piece of success for long term relationships is who you are becoming or being as you age. If true love is present one can forgive trespasses and deal with life changes by maintaining your commitment to keep this type of love present. We owe Thomas our marriage. It was through his coaching miracles and breakthroughs have occurred in support of our long term relationship/marriage. Youvare gift in our lives! Much love, David and Brad

  11. My partner and I follow this coaching every single day. Because I’m married to the writer! Because of who he is our marriage is over the top and has been since day one!

  12. Being married for 35 years to my high school sweet heart this article is so very true to live moment by moment! This was a lot of awesome info to take my love for my husband to a new level!

  13. Great article!!

    I have been with my partner for 9 years this week, we coming up on 1 year engaged, and wedding date set for 10/02/2021. By then, it’s 10 years together. A decade together but a new chapter to come. This article is so appropriate for a time when we’ve been with eachother day in and day out for over 2 months now. This hasn’t happened more than a week one a vacation for us. Quarantine will definitely make or break people, it’s expected. For us, we realize how compatible we are even with bickering, anxiety, boredom, home improvement, at home fitness programs, ups, downs, highs, and lows etc. We get eachother!

    Thank you for this awesome article, Thomas! I will share it.

  14. Spectacular, and deeply perceptive. Kindness can be the key, and continuing to be generous, compassionate and loving, which reaps rewards. When we do for our partner, we’re uplifted, that’s rewarding and we feel their experience (separate from our own), thus increasing a mutual attraction. A great reminder, and taking note. Thank you Thomas for another superb article.

  15. Found myself at odds wirh my husband this weekend. I could not seem to cut away the cobwebs and found all 24 years worth of them.
    This was an amazing article Thomas. Within minutes I was looking at this incredible, amazing, wonderful, talebted, loving man I was privileged to be married to. To just be true love is an breathtaking place to be.

  16. To love the person as they are and just be! Love that. Once again, amazing Words from Thomas. There was a time I believed that I was truly In Love, but hindsight I just Loved the thought of being In Love that I didn’t grasp the component of just BE.

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